My dear daughter,
no matter what happens around you, no matter how crazy the turmoil times will be, there is this special place where you will always find peace and comfort, a place where you are always welcome. You won't have to travel far, this place is within yourself, your very own Happy Place.
Let me tell you about that place:
As a kid I had my secret hiding places. My special places were I would go to find peace and comfort. One of my favourite spots was in a very special tree. Next to our house we had a small creek which was perfect for building dams. Between that creek and our house was a huge oak tree, all kids in the neighbourhood loved that tree. Me and my siblings claimed that tree to be ours, as he was so close to our house and we were the ones who named him. I learned to climb on him, we played there a lot and sometimes I would sit in his branches and read or hide from the world for while. This tree was my friend. I can’t remember who actually named him, I believe it was one of my sisters. His name was Egon. Egon was my special place.
We all can have such a special place within ourselves. A place were we can go anytime to feel peace and love. No matter what happens in the outer world, no matter how much is changing, how much turmoil and chaos there is. There’s a place within we can always go to. But we need to practise, we need to visit that place in quiet and in good times so it will be much easier to remember the way. Then we can find it even in the dark or on cloudy days.
Changes, challenges, turmoil. You my child are on my side 24/7, we’re in all that together. I am human, I feel pain and I feel emotions. As a mum I asked myself how to deal with emotional turmoil in your presence? Kids usually are way more resilient then the parents and they want to comfort and protect their parents. But do I want my child to comfort and to protect me?
One woman was sharing, that her mum always wanted to protect her and therefore tried to hide her pain. However, her face couldn’t hide her emotional pain, so the daughter asked the mum if she was ok. The mum put up a strong mask and ensured her all was fine. In the night the little girl could hear her mum crying. But she had asked her if she was ok and she said yes. And little kids believe their parents. So the little girl learned two thing out of that. 1.Something with me and my instinct must be wrong. I feel that mum is not happy, but she says she is, so something must be wrong with the way I see things. 2. Hide your emotions and feelings and most important hide your pain. That is what a strong person does to protect the ones she loves.
Another single mum, a spiritual coach, shared her way with me years ago. She had a 10year old son and didn’t believe in holding back emotions and feelings. We all know, in a moment when emotions hit us, we’re not always function at our best. So she prepared and talked with her son in a quiet moment what he could do when she would burst in anger or other emotions. She asked him what he would suggest. He offered, he could come and give her a hug or tell her that he loves her. This little boy therefore had an active role in making his mum feeling better. That’s a big responsibility, having to make someone else feel better. It might be an impossible task.
I believe that everyone has to find it’s own way. There is not only one right way. I remember a day, you were less then two years on this world and you had to listen to a fight between me and your dad. You got in-between us and tried to hold our mouth close to make us stop talking as we obviously were hurting each other with our words. Another time I was sitting on the sofa crying, tears dropping down. You came by and whipped of my tears with your little finger. When you were older and you felt that I was not so well you would ask me: “Mum, are you ok?” or “Do you want a hug?” . You were copying what I was role modelling. But, I am your guardian, I am supposed to guide you through emotions, and you are my child and I don’t want you to take on the responsibility to feel the need to make me feel better. And I also don’t want to pretend or hide anything. Therefore, in a quiet moment, we both would sit together and talked about emotions and also what would be the best way for you when you see your mum in a not so good state. I told you, that the best way to help mummy in a moment like that would be to go to your very own “Happy Place”. Your Happy Place, is within you, it’s a place where you can be in peace and feel good.
You’re very emphatic, as I am. I used to feel bad when anyone around me wouldn’t be happy. I remember a day when I was at a party with my sister. Everyone was laughing and having fun, but she was not happy. I felt so bad for her, I didn’t allow myself to enjoy the party as I wanted to sympathies with her. So I lowered my own good mood to join her in her despair. Shortly after she was having fun, laughing and joking with the others and I was the one sitting there unhappy and unable to lift myself up. I don’t want that for you. So I told you, the best way to support your mum in such a moment is to go within yourself and find your Happy Place within. It’s ok that mommy is having a difficult time. But by holding your own vibrations on a high level you give me the chance to catch up and to find a way to rise my vibrations to your level instead of the opposite.
You are so good at that. And I am so grateful about that. In our most difficult times, that was our life saver. During the difficult human hurricane times, I was allowed to dwell in my misery for a while, feeling all that unpleasant emotions to work through without having to feel guilty that you had to witness that. It was just the two of us most of the times, but you went to your Happy Place, you were able to see me and to allow me to be wherever I was without letting that effect what you are.
You are the most compassionate person I know. And in your young age you have mastered something that I am still learning. Being compassionate doesn’t mean you have to let yourself being suck into misery. One can show compassion and love even far better when they remain in their own Happy Place.